American Idol: Season 10, Episode 5 – “That was pretty much the whole 70’s for me”

American Idol: Season 10, Episode 5 – “That was pretty much the whole 70’s for me”

Last night’s American Idol marked their third trip to the city of Austin.  I’m not sure if it was the head cold I have, the NyQuil I took, or just an incredibly discerning sense of talent – but I found myself underwhelmed.  I wondered why the show was only an hour long, but after seeing it, I understood.  If what we had last night was the cream of the crop from Austin, I can’t imagine what they would have had to use to fill out hour number two.

Still, the night was not without it’s entertaining moments.  After a let down last week, Steven was back in fine form to open the show this week.  When Jake Muck stepped onto the audition stage, Steven asked, “You know what rhymes with Muck, don’t you?”  “Duck”, Jake answered.  “Read my lips” fired back Steven…and we were in to the title sequence.  I hope Steven has a deep bag of tricks – he’s the key to Idol’s success this year.  Mark my words.  Now, back to the show.

  • Corey Levoy – Up first was Corey Levoy.  He was accompanied by his sister Brooks, who he didn’t meet until they were teenagers.  It’s a good story, I guess.  Once he got to his audition the judges asked Brooks to come sit with them and judge Corey.  That only served to make him more nervous.  He sang fine, but his voice was borderline annoying for me.  There was as much Rascal Flatts as there was “wascally wabitt” in his tone.  The high point of the audition came from Brooks, not Corey.  As he was singing, Steven looks over at Brooks and she gives him a nod and a look that says – “see, I told you he could sing”.  It was priceless.  He got a big “Heck Yeah” from all three judges – after which he should have left with his head held high.  Instead, he decided to cap off his audition by showing the judges what he had always been told was his “J-Lo Booty”.  Yep – that’s the last impression he left with America. Moving on…
  • Holly Cavanagh – Nervous to the point of tears, Holly did not impress the judges with her first song.  Randy gave her a quick “no”, but Jennifer threw her a lifeline and asked her to sing another song.  The producers decided to milk it through a commercial break.  When we finally came back, Holly pushes her way through “The Climb”.  In a moment that only a skilled producer and editor could pull together, she breaks down after singing, “my faith is shaken”, only to rally and end the song strong.  She got a yes from both Steven and Jennifer, and even managed to change Randy’s mind.  Her voice was okay, but not extraordinary.  If she was that nervous at the audition, how is she going to survive Hollywood Week, much less live performances?  I hope she at least gets some good sight- seeing in while she’s in Hollywood.
  • Now that we had had two golden tickets, it was time for an “I’m going home in tears” montage.   “Sorry nameless contestants, I guess you just didn’t have what it takes.  But thanks for being in our montage”.
  • Rodolpho Ochoa – No need to even listen to this guy – the green highlights and the bump-it in the back of his hair told me all I needed to know.  He sang “The Circle of Life”.  Makes me wonder – where’s a lion when you need it to thin out the singing herd a bit?
  • Another montage, this time featuring cowboys.  We had Fat Cowboy, Hip-Hop Dancing Cowboy, Generic Cowboy #1, Fat Black Cowboy, and Generic Cowboys #2-#5.  It would have been a wasted montage, but then Fat Cowboy decided to inform us that he was “completely and utterly heterosexual – just wanted to throw that out there”.  Thanks for clearing that up Skippy.  I know I’ll sleep better tonight.
  • John Wayne Shultz – Before the audition even begins, we had one of the best exchanges of the night.  John’s mom explained they named him John Wayne because the dad wanted a tough young man.  Ryan responded,  “It would have sucked if I was your son.”  Great for a laugh, but then the dad shot back, “You wouldn’t be the way you are now, my friend”.  Score one for dad.  I only wish Simon were still around to expound.  John Wayne was auditioning because he promised his mom he would when she was being treated for breast cancer.   He has a great country voice – silky smooth, with just enough crispiness on the edges to fill it out.  The judges called both mom and dad in to give John Wayne the news that he had made it to Hollywood.  His mom was overwhelmed with emotion.  As they left the stage, she stopped and asked John Wayne, “Where’s your ticket – you don’t have a ticket”.  Kudos to mom for being a true Idol fan.
  • Courtney Penry – Part Gretchen Wilson, part Tatiana Del Toro – Courtney was all strange.  Her backstory was all about how much in love she was with Ryan.  She burst in to tears just seeing him, and considered him the sexiest man alive.  I have two words for you, after you go back and watch her tell Ryan that he’ll be hers one day – Crazy Eyes.  Don’t believe me?  Watch how she looked at Steven in the audition, said, “I love you”, and blew him a kiss.  Crazy Eyes.  Still don’t believe me?  Watch her do her disturbingly accurate chicken impression.  Crazy Eyes.  Here’s the kicker though – she could actually sing.  She had a nice country twang to her voice – with a little attitude.  Again we had a split vote and again it led to a golden ticket.  Once she got the good news, she broke out into a victory dance, complete with – Crazy Eyes.  Out in the hallway, Ryan revealed the golden ticket to Courtney’s family in one of the better fake-outs of the season so far.
  • Next we had a mini-montage of golden tickets.  Shantel Campos was a somewhat generic Daisy Duke, Alex Carr sang something, and Caleb Johnson showed off a pretty good rock voice.  Steven got off two of his better lines during the montage.  First, when presented with a hot blond contestant, he asked, “Where is your pitchfork, you little devil?”  Then, a somewhat gothic young man volunteered that his job was to do clinical trials for pharmaceutical companies.  Steven responded – “We have something in common then.  That was pretty much the whole 70’s for me.”  Whoever hired Steven deserves a raise.
  • Jacqueline Dunford and Nick Fink – I was really tempted to pretend my finger had accidently slipped and fast-forwarded through these two.  I wish it had.  These Idol lovebird where just too much to take.  The whole thing sent me in to sugar shock.  “He’s just like me, in boy form.”  Good God help me.  After far too much of them looking longingly in to each other’s eyes, we finally got to hear them sing.  Jacqueline had a decent voice, but that first high note was just on the edge of controlled.  Nick had a crooner vibe, and was clearly the better singer of the two.  The two things I’ll remember about Jacqueline and Nick?  Not their voices.  It will be the strange braid in her bangs and the dumb-ass grin on his face.  I see great TV drama in the future if one of them makes it through Hollywood and one doesn’t.  Jennifer called them her favorite Idol couple in 10 years.  I don’t think so.  They’re not even the best couple of the last 7 days.  Rob and Chelsee from Nashville, anyone?
  • As the show went to break, Ryan said, “Coming up, more talent.”  My son yelled from the kitchen, “and more losers”.  I’ll say it again for the record.  My kids are cool.
  • After the break, a “woo-girl” smacked her friend in the face during a full-throated “woo”.  See – God does have a sense of humor.
  • Janelle Arthur – Janelle was there to stick up for all the country folk.  Yes, people may all thing they don’t wear shoes and have no teeth, but Janelle was there to set the record straight.  Don’t let the accent fool you – she had an incredible voice, with huskiness in her lower register that was delicious.  The judges didn’t even take the time to debate.  Three quick yeses and she was on her way to Hollywood.
  • Back by popular demand from last week – the parade of singers with nicknames only.  Would they make it to Hollywood?  Armadillo Girl – nope.  Fat Albert Guy – nope.  Valkyrie Girl – nope.  Generic Diva – nope.  But Randy did use her audition to lay down one of his best lines of the night.  When she asked if they wanted her to sing another song, he responded, “Is there a song called ‘Watch Me Leave’?”  Go Dawg.
  • After the break we had a barrage of camera assaults and an unfortunate duet in the parking lot.  A message to the woman in the flag dress on her contribution to the duet – just because you hold your hand to your ear (like you see Christina do on TV), doesn’t make you a better singer.  You still really suck.
  • Casey Abrams – Just like that, we were at the last singer of the night.  I had to check the TiVo to make sure Casey really was the final contestant.  He didn’t have a sad story; he didn’t have a heartbreaking background.  He just had a Melodica.  (By the way, while I do see the Seth Rogan resemblance, the interviewer nailed it with Fraggle Rock.)  Casey sang Ray Charles and gave it a spin all his own.  He had lots of character and a good voice.  I want to see what he can do on the stage in Hollywood, but he may have potential.  Again, the judge eschewed the dramatic build-up and chose instead to just give him three emphatic yeses.

And just like that, the Austin auditions where over.  According to the helpful voice-over from Ryan, 50 people went through to Hollywood.  Wow.  50 golden tickets, and not a single audition on the show really stuck with me.  Next, Idol heads to the City of Angels – Los Angeles.  Hopefully my cold will be better, and so will the talent in LA.  If not, I can at least look forward to seeing the Pants Down, Idol Logo On The Crotch Guy appearance promised in the teaser.  Until then – Word Zombie out.

© 2011, The Word Zombie. All rights reserved.

One Reply to “American Idol: Season 10, Episode 5 – “That was pretty much the whole 70’s for me””

Leave a Reply